Yesterday I went to Arnold Palmer airport to watch my 19-year-old kid pilot his first solo flight with three touch-and-go landings and having done this and lived to tell about it, I would like to offer any parents of young children a bit of sage advice …
Don’t let your kids pursue their dreams.
It’s stressful and it results in you having to stand on a tarmac watching your kid go up alone into the high high sky leaving you on the ground muttering “oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god.”
I didn’t breathe for a whole hour and I aged a thousand years. I’m now 1047.
Suck it, Methuselah.
Let’s chat.
1. DAMN CONSTITUENTS OUT HERE CONSTITUENTUTING!
If you weren’t aware, Amazon continues its attempts to expand its operations in the Pittsburgh region. This time it was to be a 2.6 million square-foot distribution facility in Churchill; however, the residents of Churchill weren’t all thrilled about the forthcoming Buy n Large development and so they did what residents who pay taxes can do — use their voices to speak out against that which they dislike.
They organized, formed a community group, created lawn signs, did research, and filed an official appeal with the borough in January in an effort to stop the development from happening.
Five days ago Amazon canceled their plans for the Churchill development, thrilling the community group that fought against it. You know who wasn’t thrilled though? Allegheny County Chief Executive Rich “Jeff Daniels” Fitzgerald, who claimed the reason Amazon pulled out was due to the delay created by the community group’s appeal. (Amazon, on the other hand, denies this was the reason).
In speaking to the media, Daniels-Fitzgerald said:
“The borough council voted to approve it but then a group of people who didn’t like the decision of their elected officials filed an appeal.”
Hahah. I can actually hear the disdain dripping from his words. THE NERVE OF REGULAR PEOPLE! DAMN, REGULAR PEOPLE!
But it gets better. Fitz then released a letter in which he said — well —
“It’s unfortunate that a small group of non-elected residents have slowed down this development and impeded the many jobs that could be beneficial to youth in the Woodland Hills School District.”
Somewhere, Cleisthenes is rolling in his grave.
What we have here is an elected official clearly angry that THE PEOPLE HE WORKS FOR — those “NON-ELECTED RESIDENTS” — exercised their rights under a democracy to fight on behalf of their community. He sees a government of the people, for the people, and by the people and he is not happy about it because it got in the way of what HE wanted. This incident has exposed Fitzgerald’s true belief in how he thinks the government should work — the people elect other people who then make all the decisions because we elected them and we shut the hell up until the next election.
Unfortunately for Fitzgerald, a democracy means the people never have to shut up. If he has a problem with that, he shouldn’t be the County Executive and can instead go run a private enterprise where he can make his word law the way he seems to want. For now? He’s a people; not a king.
Buck up, buttercup. This is how it works. You listen to the people; the people don’t listen to you. You work for the people; the people don’t work for you. Someone on his staff please remind him of this, or at least try to stop the next really really stupid and revealing line from showing up in his next angry letter.
2. You don’t sound like me; YOU MUST BE RUSSIAN.
Yinz. This one is … whew. Okay. So to speak plainly, there is the son of a Russian oligarch who lives in Pittsburgh. He’s been a student here for a number of years and his politics lean substantially right and he’s a Trump fan and he wears a shirt that says “I am the militia” and he has anti-Biden lawn signs.
Let’s acknowledge that and put it in our pocket. Those are facts. He’s a human, living his life, with politics I really really dislike. That should be the end of that. Were he an acquaintance, colleague or co-worker, I would not become his friend. Were he my neighbor, I’d do what I do with such neighbors on my street. Wave. Those are my operating instructions for mutual existence in a neighborhood.
However, a few Pittsburghers decided that this was simply not something they could do in light of the illegal Russian invasion of Ukraine. And so they chose to go about harassing the young man at his home.
“Back in 2020 election time, someone vandalized a couple of signs, whatever. No threats, no violence, no big deal,” Vasily Potanin said. “Since the Ukraine thing started happening, they figured out I’m Russian. For some reason, just because I’m Russian, they started assuming that I must support (Vladimir) Putin. They started sending me letters saying, ‘We want you to leave the neighborhood.’”
There’s video his neighbor took of two people harassing Potanin and him with signs. Here’s a screenshot released by the police:
Now, here’s where things really go off the rails — the neighbor, who was deemed guilty by the mere fact of living next door to the Russian young man, got caught in the crossfire:
“They kept throwing stuff in our yards, throwing dog poop, throwing bags of rice with letters on them. The kids are afraid to go to the street now,” John Nasr said.
Nasr said two people specifically keep showing up and shouting slurs at him. Nasr said he is Lebanese and has lived in Shadyside for 16 years. He said he’s being judged for his accent.
“You are coming here calling me a Russian person because I look different than you, but you’re completely mistaken and a complete hypocrite,” Nasr said.
You can see in the video that Nasr calls the harassers out for assuming he was Russian and asks them to apologize.
Here’s what I want to say to these home-harassers:
Stop.
This.
Shit.
You are what you claim to hate and I’m going to tell you the word and you’re going to read it and go … gasp! That’s not me!
But it is you and here it is …
Xenophobic.
You’re so blinded by your hatred of Russia’s government that you’re lashing out against not only a man you’ve convicted for his politics and the position of his father, but you’ve let that hatred get so big that it stretches out to touch people who you attack merely because they look and sound differently. Yelling slurs at a Lebanese man? Because you think his accent means he’s Russian?
You ought to be ashamed. Nothing you’re doing is helping Ukraine. You’re just looking very much like xenophobic hate-mongers and boy, is it ugly. He’s not an elected official. He’s not a soldier (in any militia other than his own). Right now, the fact is that he’s a resident of Pittsburgh with politics and opinions and a family you don’t like.
Leave him be. Don’t tell people to go home. You’re not the gatekeepers of Pittsburgh no matter how hard you try to fashion a key out of the fires of your own hatred.
Peace.
3. Maybe WE are the zoo creatures?
Let’s switch gears to … this one …
A man was taken into custody after he broke into the Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium on Wednesday night. Investigators said the man was running around the Pittsburgh Zoo after hours, going from exhibit to exhibit. According to police, he got into the zoo shortly before 8 p.m. by jumping a fence. He then began running toward the animals.
I can’t even be mad. I mean, don’t do this, obviously, but the news these days is so soul-crushing that when something ridiculous happens, I embrace it for its refreshing cleanse of my mind. I can put away thoughts of suffering in Ukraine and stress of life and fears and worries and politics and the pandemic and for just a moment imagine a man running all through the zoo pointing and shouting, “Tigers! Red panda! Flamingos!!!! Best night ever!” I hope the monkeys were watching all, “You seeing that human? Best night ever. Throw him some celebratory poop.”
I hope he got to see what he wanted and I hope he gets mentally well enough to buy a ticket soon to enjoy a lovely day at our awesome zoo.
4. Turn off your lights, please.
Let’s now take it up to the stars. As you know, I’m a space nerd and whoops! Every time I tell you that I have to share my senior class picture and here we goooooo…
The problem we have here in Pittsburgh and pretty much every populated town and city is light pollution. It’s why we don’t see as many stars as we otherwise could. I recently visited Sedona, a Dark Sky City, and wow. Everything at night is so dimly lit — the lights all shaded and warm — that the sky opens up all around you even when you stand at a busy street intersection.
Pittsburgh is set to become the first Dark Sky city in the east over the next few years, which is so exciting. But there’s a few things I need you to pay attention to and I’d like to ask you to share this and spread the word. I don’t ask much of you except your whole soul, so this is the least you can do for me.
Thing the first: On clear nights, turn off some or all of your unnecessary outdoor lights. Porch light? Off. Landscaping lights? Off, Rockefeller. Giant spotlight illuminating the whole entire front of your house like a helicopter searchlight? Off. We get it. You have a pretty house. We don’t really care. Give your stargazing neighbors a better chance to see the stars while saving some electricity. In fact, this Saturday, March 26 is Earth Hour! An organized effort to have people turn off their non-essential lights for one hour at 8:30 p.m. Give it a try and spread the word on your street.
Thing the second: CMU physics lecturer, astronomer, and Dark Sky advocate Diane Turnshek says:
If you are so inclined and willing to buy the app, consider helping CMU out in this endeavor. Here’s a link to the app. Let’s get all 90 neighborhoods represented.
The only way we will truly achieve Dark Sky compliance is if everyone cares about it. So this is me asking you to care about the stars over Pittsburgh and their celestial canvas we keep washing out with our light.
5. A soft landing
Good news for the former chef at the hilariously named former Sousa establishment Mount Oliver Bodega:
Burned out by pandemic life in New York, he attended Mr. Sousa’s wedding in July and, looking for a change, he and his wife moved back shortly after so he could become the executive chef at Mount Oliver Bodega.
He hasn’t spoken to Mr. Sousa since the fallout, but considers him his mentor and his friend. He also ended things amicably with the developers.
A gourmet chef in need of a job during a tight labor market, he could’ve essentially had his pick of jobs, but ended up in the cozy confines of Blue Dust, a place that’s been a port in the storm to him over the years.
I’m pleased to see Frazier stay in town and contribute to our food scene.
But that’s only part of the reason I’m sharing this story. The second part is we have two new descriptors for Kevin Sousa thanks to P-G food critic Dan Gigler!
“talented but mercurial chef”
“polarizing chef”
Drink two if you’re playing this new game and I’ll let you know when I find other fun ways our local media outlets describe Sousa.
Next time I’m being insufferable and someone calls me out for it, I’m going to say, “I’m not bitchy; I’m just mercurial. Feed me grapes.”
The Mercurial Bodega Chefs is 100 percent my new band name.
6. Holy. Surface. Of. Mars.
Please go watch this video someone posted to r/Pittsburgh of the condition of a road near Century III Mall (Century Three! Chev-ro-LAY! Lebanonchurchroad Pitts-burgh! Now you’re singing it too and you just said the thing that comes next.)
Watch the cars zigzagging around on a road that looks like one you’d see on an episode of The Walking Dead. I half-expected a zombie horde to emerge from the trees.
Stop being scared of a dystopian society; apparently we are already living in one. As a reminder, a zombie won’t die if you don’t kill its brain. Heart, if it's a vampire. Good luck out there.
7. And it’s a short one today! You’re lucky you got anything! But if you’re upset about it, you can direct your complaints to:
Enjoy the ride!