Yes, it’s Thursday and not Wednesday, Joey Tribbiani. But for good reason!
I went to Duolingo yesterday for lunch and a little tour of their offices in East Liberty, which is how non-Pittsburghers pronounce s’Liberty. Look at that baby Duo! If you follow me on The Socials, as the kids most certainly do not say, you know my Duolingo story. It goes wide and deep. Second to my new hearing aids—and this is going to seem like a very ridiculous sentence—Duolingo is one of the most life-changing things that happened to me in relation to my handicap. “It’s an app, you weirdo!” you’re probably thinking, but just read this thread I put on Twitter a while back to help you understand.
Since that time, I’ve added Spanish, because I already knew a whole bunch thanks to my Mexican ex-husband. Then I said, well, what’s the closest language to Spanish because I might as well learn that too. So I added Italian. And then I added what would become my second-favorite language after Korean—German! I am good at German and I don’t know why, but it comes naturally to me despite its absolute BONKERS sentence structure. Duolingo has pretty much replaced my Twitter time which has been wonderful for my general mental wellbeing on account of Twitter being Satan’s playground where happiness and sanity go to die.
That Duolingo is a Pittsburgh company is the best kind of serendipity. Because of what Duolingo showed me about myself and my handicap, I’m a Luis von Ahn stan—as the kids probably no longer say. The “sliding doors” of all of this tell me that if he hadn’t been able to immigrate from Guatemala to attend CMU where he was given the space and time and means to learn and grow and create, my life wouldn’t have changed the way it did. I’d still be chained to the limitations of my handicap not realizing I’m the one who put the chains there and I’m the one who locked them up. His Duolingo (and all its lovely employees) freed me. I spied him hard at work during my tour and only did a small internal fangirl freakout—as no one but me says. I’ll meet him someday and I’ll tell him how he changed my life. I can be patient.
I plan to write a longer form essay about Duolingo’s role in changing my relationship with my handicap soon, so any editor of a tech-related publication should shoot me an email and I’ll write it for you for cheap.
That’s enough personal stuff. I’ve overshared.
Let’s talk!
1. This one will probably make you unsubscribe so it’s a good thing I don’t care about subscriber numbers
So here’s a wild headline from The New York Times:
First, I am voting for John Fetterman no matter what, come hell or high water or closed tunnels or collapsed bridges, and you know that and you also know that he’s leading the race based on current polling against New Jersey’s Dr. Raspberry Ketones. Having said that, the race WILL tighten and this campaign of emojis and memes and “withering mockery” is the most post-2016 thing ever and I kinda hate it. So frivolous. So throw-away. So not-serious-enough in the face of what’s at stake with this election.
Fetterman has attacked Oz’s credibility with the zeal of dogged internet troll, in one case mocking the Republican nominee for posing in a construction hat by juxtaposing a cartoon image of a small child driving a plastic excavator. The tweet, a picture caption with the words, “My Dream Construction Truck,” had left-leaning online forums hailing Fetterman’s posting skills with internet-native language like “edgelord,” “dunked on” and “pwned.”
Are the kids still using “pwned?” I’m seriously asking if I can add that back into my lexicon. What about “newb?” And where did we land on “Eat my shorts?” This will be controversial, but I don’t see much difference between Fetterman’s childish trolling of Oz and Trump’s former penchant for calling his opponents childish names and sharing childish memes about them. Maybe one of you can point the difference out to me?
Along those same lines of UNSERIOUS is this recent fundraising text the Fetterman campaign sent out:
Are the kids still using “cringe” these days? Because my secondhand embarrassment went off the charts just reading it.
I guess this “withering mockery” and “edgelord behavior” plays well with the “extremely online” crowd that already supports Fetterman, but I don’t see it being the way to actually, you know, WIN NEW VOTERS. And selling “Dr. Oz for New Jersey” bumper stickers strikes me as a really great way to put Oz’s name out there for him.
So yeah, I’m questioning the methods of the Fetterman campaign marketing team. I’m wondering when they will take this more seriously because too much is at stake and too many people have too much to lose for it all to be one big joke or one big troll job.
Also of note, Withering Mockery is my new band name and our first single is “Edgelord of OMD Hiiiiiii MY HOOOMAN JAWWNNN.”
I’m such a bitch. But I’m a bitch who cares about Pennsylvania’s future. Let’s start taking it more seriously and maybe with about ten percent more maturity.
2. My superpower is I can use a Pittsburgh Potty without fear
My pal Brian sent me a link to this episode of the Reply All Podcast in which they discuss … The Pittsburgh Potty!
“If you’ve ever used a Pittsburgh toilet, and I mean this with 100% sincerity, you are brave because a Pittsburgh toilet is a toilet installed in the basement of a home that has no walls surrounding it. No door. It just sits completely exposed to the vast expanse of the basement. … You’re sitting there and … absolutely anybody, your mom, your cousin … can just open the door to your basement and see everything.”
And the correct response came thusly:
“It is not just my Southern prudery talking here. That is literally a nightmare.”
And that’s just it. It is literally a nightmare. Like dreams about being naked in school. Sitting on a toilet next to a window, exposed, and knowing that at any moment your gram could come down to grab a two-liter bottle of Pepsi or a box of Corn Flakes from the shelf that is SIX INCHES AWAY FROM THE TOILET or your pap could walk in the other door from his garden to grab something from his watch repair workdesk that is TEN FEET AWAY FROM THE TOILET.
If that seemed very specific, it’s because the only place I’ve ever used a Pittsburgh Potty was at my gram’s house in Bridgeville. She had one bathroom and I have four sisters. Do the math. More often than not, nature called when someone was occupying the only bathroom that had … [checks notes] … walls and a door. I vividly recall what it was like sitting there, terrified, dialing my hearing aids all the way up so that I would hopefully miraculously hear if someone opened one of the two doors to the basement, at which point I would … what? What do you do when someone walks in on you while you’re using a Pittsburgh Potty? It’s not like there’s a door for you to slam shut. Do you just get up and run away screaming while … stuff … leaks out of your body? Nightmare indeed.
My house before my current one was 127 years old and had an ancient rusted scarred Pittsburgh Potty at the BOTTOM OF THE STEPS—not even tucked discreetly into a corner. Just at the bottom of the steps out in the open like some kind of proud personal ass-baring hell. And I never once used it. I’d rather go to the emergency room with acute excretory system failure than sit on a Pittsburgh Potty.
The episode is a delight as the podcasters learn about Pittsburgh Potties and their history and talk quite a bit about Pittsburgh in general. Give it a listen. Also, someone please upload a better more sinister picture of a truly threatening Pittsburgh Potty to the Wikipedia page because this only picture is not accurately conveying the horror …
3. A win for inclusion
I made a bunch of local media types angry a few years ago when I called out the fact that Pittsburgh radio is extremely white. As in, practically no people of color holding regular spots on our airwaves. I put forth the opinion that local stations should work to bring more diversity to their on-air staff to better represent the city’s racial makeup and thereby better represent the city’s perspective on issues. Whoo boy. What a hornet’s nest I disturbed.
So since I once made that critical remark, I want to acknowledge and applaud 93.7 The Fan for further diversifying their on-air talent by bringing in Pitt’s Dorin Dickerson as a full-time host to fill now-retired Jim Colony’s big shoes.
Excited for him and the perspectives he will bring to our airwaves!
4. Here’s what we’re not gonna do
And here’s what I have to say about that, and you can quote me:
Nope.
Wait. I also want to say this:
Absolutely not.
5. I guess words do really have meaning!
As a history student, I often come across references to Pittsburgh as having been the “Gateway to the West,” and sure, yeah. I get it. I understand that. I understand how we served that purpose, but I never really connected it so directly to the rivers as I do now that I’ve seen this image that I can once again hat-tip to World Famous Chris Breim for pointing out:
So. Wow. Yeah. We really were how the world got to the West, weren’t we? They really meant it when they called us the Gateway. So remarkable to see it visualized like that. I love maps. I mean, here’s my dining room wall:
Send me links to cool Pittsburgh maps always.
6. Get your ears checked! And maybe your teeth and eyes too.
I care about your hearing. I care that there are people out there not hearing as well as they could because they either aren’t aware they have hearing loss or are too shy or without insurance to get their hearing checked. Also, hearing aids are hella expensive. That’s why I want to share this great local and FREE event with you.
The Mission of Mercy Free Dental, Vision and Hearing Clinic is on August 5 and 6 at the convention center! That’s right. Take your kids. Take your parents. Take yourself! Free to anyone, no income or eligibility requirements; just walk in (but get there early). Open to ages 2 and up. In addition to dental care, this year's event includes hearing and vision exams, and fittings for free eyeglasses and hearing aids! Wow.
It takes over 1,000 volunteers to pull this event off successfully, so if you are a medical professional/provider or wish to volunteer on logistical stuff, go here to register to help out.
These are the types of medical volunteers they need:
Dentists, Hygienists/Dental Assistants, Dental Students/Faculty
Pharmacists
Nurses and Nurse Practitioners
Physicians and PAs
Lab Techs and Radiology
Vision Imaging Technicians, Opticians, Ophthalmologists, Refractionists
Audiologists, Audiology Assistants, Audiology Graduate Students
This is not an ad. I’m going to see what I can do to volunteer with the hearing aid side of things, if possible. I won’t be able to if masking is required, so we will see how the pandemic shakes out over the summer and if I can help out. (I support masking and comply with all masking requests! Just can’t actually help if I can’t read lips is all, so nearly all of my volunteer activities have had to pause during the pandemic.)
7. And that’s it! Have a great week. I’ll try super hard to be back here on time next Wednesday but let’s be honest … have you met me?
If you’re angry that I’ve criticized Fetterman again, or perhaps you’re angry I’ve criticized Dr. A Broccoli again, then be sure to dial the number on your screen:
Press 4 for “I love Dr. Purple Mountain Majesties” or Press 5 for “YOU DISSED MY HOOMAN JAWWNN.”
You can also press 6 for “You are a huge huge bitch. Eat my shorts.”