Do you need words? Like do you even want to read any words before The List? How annoying is that? You Google “What temperature should you cook fish to?” and then Google is like “THAT’S A SENTENCE-ENDING PREPOSITION TF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” and then you rephrase it to “To what temperature shouldst one cook fish, gov’nah?” and you click the first result which is entitled “Cook fish to this temperature,” and then you get to a website where a blogger named Ashleighannelynne Maverick has written 7,000 words about how her three-year-old son Granola has really gotten a knack for foraging wild mushrooms whilst her seven-year-old daughter Aquafaba has decided to become an ovo-lacto-vegetarian. This is all sprinkled with 700 pictures of one biscuit from various angles. Then at the end … “Cook fish to 145 degrees. Be sure to subscribe to our cat’s gut-health YouTube while you’re here!” And then you look and see the cat has 42 million subscribers and is worth 765 billion dollars.
(Can you tell I’ve been watching Parks and Rec and that I’m obsessed with Ron Swanson’s general disdain for [gestures expansively] everything?)
On to the list! (No paid ads. I have received NOTHING unless I bought it for myself.)
2020 YINZER GIFT GUIDE
Garbella’s Pittsburgh Mandala Tea/Kitchen Towel ($14) — LOCAL
SHUT. UP! Just shut your face. Look at the little ketchup bottles and the pierogies and the hypocycloids and the bridges all coming together to form this understated ass-kicking design! EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!! It’s genius!
Pair them with one or two gorgeous handcrafted mixing spoons from Riverwood Trading in Harmony, PA. Tie them with twine and stuff them in one of the liquor bags you’re going to find further down the list.
Mister Rogers “Snappy Dresser” socks and “Quotes” socks ($10.95/pair) — LOCAL
The kind-hearted sock collector in your life will LOVE these! You can order them online or snag them the next time you’re at the Heinz History Center (they have a Heinz Ketchup pair too for $14.95).
Pair them with this locally made Pittsburgh Candle Works Good Neighbor candle ($15.99) that smells of bergamot, cedar and vanilla, or perhaps this wonderfully perfect laptop/water bottle sticker ($4) (that illustration by a local artist is also available as a giclee print for $25).
Kiya Tomlin’s The Standard Unisex long-sleeve shirt ($55 in XS to XXXL) —LOCAL
IT’S UNISEX!
Accept no imitations, and I have seen some inferior imitations of this design. Kiya Tomlin’s husband says, “The standard is the standard,” and this shirt reflects his coaching philosophy — as opposed to Coach Cowher’s philosophy which was AGGRESSIVE CHIN JUTTING AND EXCESSIVE SPITTLE. I kid. Pricey for a Steelers shirt? Yes. But it’s Kiya Tomlin’s line and the Steeler fan in your life would love to own it. Check out her Game Day Infinity Scarf ($55) too. I will pretty much buy anything with a leather-look logo emblem. I have issues.
Turner’s Holiday Sweater and Holiday Tea Sweater ($48 each) — LOCAL
AHHHHHH!
These are a pre-order and I don’t know how long you’ll be able to order them, so if you want to gift these to the lovable huggable yinzer in your life, act with some haste. I can’t get over how ugly-perfect that orange one is. The Turner’s Tea fan in your life would FLIP and then fold it neatly into the orange crate they stole from the back dahn Iggles.
Gridlock Pittsburgh-Themed Nail Lacquers ($9 each)
These are 35% off for Black Friday!
There are 18 Pittsburgh-themed shades available and a cute little mixing kit as well. The Redd Up color is so great, as is Golden Triangle for game days. Waiting for that Chipped Ham color to come back in stock, though. Toss them in a basket with some mani-pedi care tools and lotions. I have friends who swear by this Wilkinsburg-made LOVE Hand and Body Cream and Pittsburgh Skyline Soap!
Baxter and The Bear Movie/TV Minimalist Posters ($25 each) — LOCAL
ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME?
There are so many good movies and TV shows represented in this local Etsy shop. Current movies (Parasite, Uncut Gems, Fleabag) to classics (Back to the Future, Jurassic Park, Big Lebowski). These aren’t huge (12x18) so a framed set would be just an amazing gift. I love them ALL! Look at that Elf one! He also has a set of vintage Pittsburgh team posters that are killer. I must know which ones you buy. Email me. Ugh. LOVE THEM.
Sapling Press Pandemic Cards ($5.50 each) — LOCAL
You’re going to be mailing more gifts than usual this year, so throw in a card from a local seller! Sapling Press has a whole set of quarantine-themed cards, and these three had me LOLing. Be sure to check out their hilarious tea/kitchen towels too!
Another option for including with your mailed gifts is this great card pack from local shop Alternate Histories!
Perfect for jotting down a quick “Hope this monstrous shit ends soon!” note ($16 for 8 cards). If you actually order these and write that on the cards, please send me pics.
Ethically Sourced Day Owl Recycled Backpack ($99 [on sale from $149] or 4 interest-free payments of $24.75) — LOCAL
HURRY. THESE ARE CURRENTLY $50 OFF. Huge bargain.
This Pittsburgh company makes water resistant backpacks using First Mile waxed canvas from 100% post-consumer plastic bottles from places like Haiti and Honduras, and provides lifetime repairs and end-of-life recycling! Eight colors available and be sure to check out their Pocket Partners too. That contrasted color pocket? MY GOSH. Perfect for students, travelers, or stylish moms and dads who have tossed aside diaper bags in favor of multitasking backpacks.
Sarris Candy Pittsburgh Pothole Filler ($9.95/bag) — LOCAL
A lot to love about this cute gift that’s perfect for your neighbors. Cheap! Funny! Delicious! Making fun of Pittsburgh’s pothole problem! Package art by famed local cartoonist Rob Rogers! Grab a bunch and toss them around like paper towel rolls! BOOM! Politics! Exclamation points!!!!
Three Rivers Necklace by Vandalia Metal in Sterling Silver ($86) — LOCAL
Understated. Classy. Absolutely PERFECT!
Candy Themed Soaps from P Square (varies) — LOCAL
Locally made and ridiculously adorable. Grab these fruity cereal scented soaps for the tween/teen in your life, or the adult who truly embraces their inner child. The little gummy bear soaps are great for a kid bathroom and will encourage them to wash their hands. Sure they might try to eat them, but unlike Tide Pods, soap is not delicious. Check out their Pittsburgh candle set too! And I’m told a visit to their brick and mortar shop in Bellevue will be full of other wonderful finds that might not show up for sale online. I’ve heard whispers of a Golden Girls candle set.
Nathan Doverspike’s Award-Winning Pittsburgh Island Poster ($45)
This awesome illustration by an ex-pat has everything Pittsburgh and it so fun to just hunt through to see what you can find. Perfect gift for the Pittsburgh aficionado. The muted colors make for a great framed piece in an office. LOOK AT KING FRIDAY’S CASTLE!
Lily and Val Keepsake Kitchen Diaries ($45.99 each) — LOCAL
This is THE gift for the cook or baker in your life who treasures the gatherings and cherishes time-tested recipes. An heirloom that, once filled, can be passed down, these books are illustrated by a local artist. She even has a newlywed edition! This is a creative way to keep a diary of the special at-home moments in a life as well as the recipes that made the memorable occasions delectable. Dang. I should write for catalogs. Hire me, J. Peterman.
Audra Azoury Collegiate Bookmarks ($20-22 each) — LOCAL
Audra’s whole shop is a winner, so don’t just stick to this suggestion; go look at all her amazing Pittsburgh goods. I’m loving all of her Pittsburghy clip-on bookmarks, especially these which are great gifts for students and alumni. Stick one in your favorite book and gift it! I’m planning to put together a Pittsburgh authors book list soon. So watch for that too.
P.S. Her Dumpster Fire 2020 Ornament is on backorder but will be shipped out in time for Christmas. Go look at it.
Sapling Press Wood Keychains ($8 each) — LOCAL
Yes, we gotta go back to Sapling Press again because these keychains are perfect little stocking stuffers or gift exchange gifts when you’ve got to stay under a $10 limit. “Please assume my life.” LOL. There are many other versions. Go see!
Steel City Salt Gift Sets (varies) — LOCAL
My book club ladies turned me on to Steel City Salt, and they swear by the Black & Gold Blend for use as rubs on various meats. Gift the salt sets to the cook or griller in your life, and give the AMAZING 5 O’Clock Somewhere set ($19.95, out of stock, but call them and ask!) to the tequila lover. WHO DOESN’T LOVE TEQUILA!? Let’s drink. They’re in Millvale if you want to shop in person.
Gifts Benefiting Mario Lemieux Foundation (varies) — LOCAL
Me and Mario go way back. As in I’ve met him once and was real real not chill about it. But me and his Foundation go back 12 years to the founding of Make Room for Kids and I love products that support their work in pediatric cancer research. Here are two!
Janet’s Brown Ale from Hop Farm Brewing ($16/4-pack)
This is a dark beer for those that like a beery beer. I know nothing about beer, as you can see. The beer lover in your life will know, though, and not only do they get a great local beer, the MLF gets a portion of the sale! While you’re there, check out their other Pittsburgh-themed beers and their sour cranberry beer. It’s my absolute favorite.
Personalized Little Moo Loveys ($38+)
Being a baby is HARD WORK. No one understands what the hell you’re trying to tell them about why you’re so mad all the time. Is it climate change? I bet it’s climate change, little baby. Here’s a gift to soothe the babies in your life while benefiting MLF! Mario’s daughter is the owner of Little Moo and is donating a portion of her sales to her father’s foundation! The perfect gift? Loveys! That little soft blanket that becomes a baby’s favorite sleep-time soother and then the security blanket they drag around as toddlers and then tuck into a memory box to keep forever. Get it personalized! Unless your grandbaby’s name is X Æ A-12, then have a long hard talk with your child about making good choices.
Naptural Beauty’s Peppermint Fluff Gift Set ($59 on sale) — LOCAL
Hints of winter flowers, vanilla marshmallows, and peppermint, oh my!
I ordered a few lip products from Naptural after I discovered the local shop in a Post-Gazette story, and the owner included a little sample of her new winter scent Peppermint Fluff and HOLY. MOLY. It’s so perfect. Understated. Sweet. The kind of scent that makes people near you wonder if you just always smell like Christmas sweetness. I’m told this gift set is quite limited in quantities, so snag it fast.
Personalized Wendell August Forge Family Tree Ornament/Suncatcher ($40) — LOCAL
This right here is the gift for the person who has everything. Think your sister, grandparents, parents. You can personalize it with perhaps children's names or grandchildren’s names and you can even get a kit to hang names from names and on and on.
While you’re on the site, check out these three additional items I love: A bronze Terrible Towel ornament (benefits Myron’s beloved school), a personalized Pittsburgh Snow Globe ornament, and a crazy awesome Infinity bracelet for the woman you’ll love forever.
Personalized Message in a Bottle Necklace ($18.40) — LOCAL
Listen to me. You buy this. You write a tiny note or a scripture of love to your mom, sister, grandchild, wife, whomever. And then, forever and ever they keep that little handwritten note near their heart when they wear it. Suggestion: buy it with a long chain. Great with a black turtleneck. And if you have some sand you saved from a vacation, you could always change out the sand and could even print out a teeny tiny picture and curl it in there too. What a meaningful, affordable gift. Teenagers, your moms would love this because YOU DON’T TELL HER ENOUGH HOW AWESOME SHE IS and you can probably afford to buy it with your own money. Email me and tell me how much she cries when her unfeeling teenager emotes to her via written word.
Dave DiCello’s Black and Gold 4-Coaster Set ($32.50) — LOCAL
A perfect set of drink coasters!
The amazing Dave DiCello! He gets Roberto’s 21. He has lots of great coaster sets in his Etsy shop, but I really like this black and gold set. Honestly, good luck picking your favorite in his shop. Perfect gift for just about anyone who cares about Pittsburgh and furniture water rings, WHICH SHOULD BE EVERYONE, YOU ANIMALS.
Curly Tail Small Batch Coffee/Beans ($11 and up) — LOCAL
Woman-owned locally roasted small-batch animal-rescue-benefiting coffee! WHAT WHAT! Curly Tail Coffee has really grown in popularity these past few years. The great thing is not only the standard roasts and the holiday flavors, but ALL THE DECAF FLAVORS. Snag a few bags for the coffee lover in your life and pair it with the adorable locally made tea towel ($15), the fab new City Paper Get Woke/Stay Woke mug ($12.50) or the Commonwealth Press Nebby mug ($12, BUT IT IS SOLD OUT RIGHT NOW! Watch for it to come back). An ENTIRE local coffee gift basket. I’m a genius. (Psst, that Riverwood Trading I mentioned also has a handmade coffee scoop. I’m freaking out about it.)
Allegheny Artisan Resin Wood Valet Tray ($40) — LOCAL
Why is this so amazing?! Take wood, add resin, get WOW. Now, I’m linking you to the Etsy shop, but you must realize that these are unique, handmade, non-mass-produced items. The one in the picture might be gone and you’ll have to choose another, but I wanted to include the shop because I hope a small number of you can snag these perfect gifts for just about anyone who tosses a bunch of stuff on their nightstand every night. Check out the glow-in-the-dark one in the shop! And the coasters! And cutting boards! And THE SKELETON SHIRT ($20)! Which isn’t wood, but is awesome.
Maggie’s Farm Award-Winning Falernum ($35) — LOCAL
Lime. Ginger. Cloves. Rum. This one is coming recommended by former butler/current bestie Woy who says it’s the perfect sipping liqueur, even if you don’t love rum. It’s that layered. This is one to gift the person who loves to sit by the fire, stream a movie, and sip a strong liqueur on a cold winter night. It has won lots of awards and I 100% trust Woy’s recommendation. If you hate it, I’ll give you his address and you can go throw trash on his lawn. A few places I checked online are sold out, so grab it while you can.
Toss it, or whatever local spirit you give, into these fab local K Lo Rebel bottle bags! (find them here or here)
Lark Adventurewear Temperature Regulating Bamboo PJs ($29.95+) — LOCAL
BLACK FRIDAY SALE 20-30% OFF NOW!
Did you know the first brand to use technical fabric for children is located RIGHT HERE IN PITTSBURGH? Here we have a local woman-owned clothing business focusing on temperature regulating cotton/bamboo fabrics for children (and adults). And this is important for sensory sensitivities … these are TAGLESS!
Grab the super soft, breathable kid sets here and the matching unisex adult sets here. Send me your Christmas cards with pics of your fam wearing these!
Switcheroo Light Control ($59.99/pair) — LOCAL
LISTEN TO ME! This is technology for people who don’t really care to learn home-control technology! Here’s why I included this local company on the list. Do you know someone who has a room that has a light switch that controls a lamp on one outlet, forcing them to then walk to a second or even third lamp to manually turn it on? My living room is this way. It has no overhead lighting, but lots of outlets. So I’d have to walk around turning lamps on. Then I bought a Switcheroo and without any Wifi or special light bulbs, I easily set this up so that when I flip the switch, ALL MY LAMPS TURN ON. BOOM! SCIENCE! This is the gift for your parents who want a simple solution to an common house annoyance. It’s the best and has not failed on me in the years I’ve owned it.
Archie Life Novelty Dog Collars and Dog Bow Ties ($7 and up) — LOCAL
And finally, pets deserve gifts too! Did you even know you could buy locally made animal collars?! Check out the entire shop for collars themed around your favorite TV shows, super heroes, holidays, sports teams, and more! I’m in love with the Golden Girls one myself.
Whew. This got a bit out of hand! So many items and then I hid items inside of items for Inception-style shopping. Happy shopping! Send me emails and tell me what you buy.